LUCY – Page 3 – Tom The Baptist

“LUCY HOW WAS YOUR NIGHT?” IT WAS GREAT MEIN FUHRER. I NOTICED YOU SEEMED TO BE HAVING AN INTENSE DREAM. “YES. I DREAM QUITE OFTEN. NOT ALWAYS A GOOD EXPERIENCE.” WHAT WERE YOU DREAMING ABOUT? “I USED TO BE IN LOVE. BUT LOVE DOES NOT USUALLY END WELL FOR ME.” REALLY? “YES. THE FIRST LOVE OF MY LIVE COMMITTED SUICIDE.” OMG. THAT MUST HAVE BEEN AWFUL. “IT WAS. TURNS OUT SHE WAS VERY SELFISH. DIDN`T CARE AT ALL WHAT HER WEAKNESS WOULD DO TO ME. SHE ALMOST RUINED ME.“ DID YOU GIVE UP ON LOVE AFTER THAT? “NO. I FELL IN LOVE AGAIN. BUT SHE WAS UNFAITHFUL TO ME. HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH MY MOST IMPORTANT ASSISTANT IN FIGHTING THE WAR.” WHAT WAS HER NAME? “I NEVER MENTION HER NAME LUCY. I MADE HER SWALLOW POISON RIGHT BEFORE I FLED BERLIN.” DIDN`T YOU MARRY HER? “YES. I MARRIED HER RIGHT BEFORE I KILLED HER. I THOUGHT THERE WAS A CERTAIN EVIL RIGHTEOUSNESS TO THAT. SHE HAD TO PAY FOR BEING UNFAITHFUL TO ME. LIKE THE REST OF GERMANY.” AND THEN YOU FLED GERMANY? “YES. THAT IS WHEN I CAME TO TRANSYLVANIA. WE JUST BURNED ONE OF MY BODY DOUBLES WITH HER BODY TO TRICK THE ALLIES INTO THINKING I WAS DEAD.” BUT WHAT ABOUT THE TEETH? THE RUSSIANS SAID THAT THE TEETH THEY FOUND MATCHED YOURS. THEY EVEN CONFIRMED IT WITH YOUR DENTIST. “YES. WELL I THOUGHT OF THAT TOO. MY MOST BELIEVABLE STAND-IN HAD TO GO THRU AN EXTENSIVE DENTAL PROGRAM SO THAT OUR TEETH WERE ALMOST EXACTLY THE SAME. PLUS ONCE YOU BURN THE BODY YOU DO NOT HAVE TO BE EXACT. ” WOW. YOU DID THINK OF EVERYTHING.

SO WHITEY…yes Lucy. HOW IS CHRISTMAS IN THE HITLER HOUSEHOLD? We have a good Christmas. Well this will be my third. He seems to really like the holiday. We all get cat treats etc. I don’t think he is religious about it. WHAT SHOULD I GET HIM FOR CHRISTMAS? Obviously yourself Lucy. Can’t you tell he loves you? Even more than me! OH WHITEY. DON`T BE RIDICULOUS. I HAVEN`T EVEN BEEN HERE A MONTH. HE BARELY KNOWS WHAT MY CAT POUP SMELLS LIKE! WHY? DOESN`T THE FUHRER ALWAYS TREAT YOU GOOD? Mostly. I have learned when not to be around him. And he does not understand pussycat. He only speaks German. And you apparently speak all languages. When did you find the time? IF YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH I FELL AND HIT MY HEAD.

ARE YOU AND PANTHER GOING STEADY WHITEY? No. Of course not. She is not even a lesbian cat. BUT I THOUGH…you thought she was gay like her sister panzer? WELL YES. I JUST ASSUMED ALL THE GIRL CATS HERE WERE LESBIANS. Not all. We still have fun. DO YOU MISS PANZER? Yes. She really knew how to lick me. I just don’t mean sex. Everyday we would lick each other where we needed it. You know. Where we couldn’t clean ourselves. She was the best. Giving and receiving. I do miss that. WOULD YOU LIKE ME TO LICK YOU? CAUSE I SURE WOULD LIKE YOU TO LICK ME!!! THE END

Hey Lucy tom is back. He Is downstairs talking with adolf. I think he wants you. TOM. YOU`RE BACK! I`M SO GLAD TO SEE YOU. “LUCY IT`S DEZI. HE WAS EATEN BY A DOG.” WHAT? THAT CAN`T BE TRUE! “NO HE`S STILL ALIVE. A DOG HAD HIS TAIL. AND I HAD HIM ON THE OTHER END. AND WE BOTH PULLED AT THE SAME TIME. AND OFF CAME HIS TAIL.” WAS HE OUTSIDE BY HIMSELF? ‘SORRY LUCY. I FELL ASLEEP AND I FORGOT HE WAS OUTSIDE. AND IT WAS DARK WHEN I HERD A COMMOTION AND I HEARD DEZI SCREAM. I GOT OUTSIDE JUST IN TIME TO GRAB HIM AS THE DOG GRABBED HIS TAIL. THE REST IS HISTORY. I CAME TO TAKE YOU BACK WITH ME. HES IN THE CAT HOSPITAL.” I`M SORRY EVERYONE I MUST GO. BUY MEIN FUHRER. BUY WHITEY. BUY PANTHER.”NOT SO FAST LUCY. WE HAVE TO WAIT FOR THE PORTAL.” IS HE GOING TO BE OK? IS HIS TAIL ALL HE LOST? “ALL I KNOW LUCY IS THAT THERE WAS A LOT OF BLOOD. I DON`T KNOW ANY OTHER DETAILS.”

“OH DAMN LUCY. THE HOSPITAL IS CLOSED. WE WILL HAVE TO COME BACK TOMORROW.” BUT I HAVE TO SEE HIM. I CAME ALL THIS WAY. I CAN`T BARE TO BE WITHOUT HIM. HOW DO I EVEN KNOW HE IS ALIVE. WHAT IF HE DIED. WHAT IF DEZI DIES TOM. WHAT WILL I DO? I CANT LIVE WITHOUT HIM. “DON`T WORRY LUCY. THEY WOULD HAVE CALLED ME IF HE DIED. I THINK.” I CAN`T LIVE WITHOUT HIM. WHAT A FOOL I HAVE BEEN TO CARE SO MUCH FOR THE CIA. IT MEANS NOTHING TO ME. <ACTUALLY?>

HOW DO YOU FEEL DEZI? CAN YOU TALK? <IN PUSSY> i`m in some pain sometimes. WHEN THE MEDICINE WEAKENS. ABOUT EVERY 8 HOURS. “MY NAME IS DOCTOR WRIGHT.” HOW IS HE DOCTOR: TOM ASKED? “I`M AFRAID WE WERE NOT ABLE TO SAVE THE TAIL. JUST TOO MUCH DAMAGE FROM THE TEARING.” IS THAT ALL DOCTOR? “I`M AFRAID NOT. THE BASTARDLY DOG REMOVED ONE OF DEZI`S TESTICLES.” HE ONLY HAS ONE BALL? “YES HE ONLY HAS ONE BALL. YOU CAN TAKE HIM HOME. MAKE SURE HE TAKES HIS MEDICINE.” YES DOCTOR.

“OMG LUCY. DEZI ONLY HAS ONE BALL.” HE CAN STILL HAVE KITTENS RIGHT? “YES LUCY. THE TWO OF YOU CAN STILL HAVE KITTENS. BUT THE WIERD THING IS THAT HITLER ONLY HAS ONE BALL. SO MAYBE WE SHOULD INTRODUCE THE TWO SO THEY COULD SHARE TRADE SECRETS.” WHAT DO YOU MEAN <TRADE SECRETS>? “SIMPLE LUCY. THEY CAN SHARE INFORMATION ON WHAT THEY HAVE IN COMMON. WHICH IS ONLY HAVING ONE BALL. LIFE HAS TO BE DIFFERENT HAVING ONLY 1 BALL. AND WHO TO KNOW BETTER THAN SOMEONE ELSE WITH ONLY ONE BALL. ITS A VERY SMALL FAMILY.” WHAT DO YOU FIGURE THE ODDS OF THIS HAPPENING TO DEZI? TO US? AT THIS TIME? IN OUR WORLD? THEY HAVE TO BE ONE IN INFINITY!

HIGH WHISPER. (WHISPER WAS MY BEST FRIEND NEIGHBORHOOD CAT) what happened to dezi? THAT STRAY DOG WHO COMES AROUND BIT OFF HIS BALL! AND HIS TAIL. SO TOM. HOW DID HITLER LOSE HIS OTHER BALL? “I DON`T KNOW LUCY. I`VE JUST HEARD THAT IT IS SO. A RUMOR OR WHATEVER. WHY DON`T YOU ASK HIM LUCY?” YOU THINK I SHOULD? “WELL IF YOU DO MAKE SURE I AM NOT IN THE ROOM.” WHY? DO YOU THINK HE WILL REACT NEGATIVELY? “LUCY THIS IS HITLER. DO YOU WANT TO TAKE THAT CHANCE?” WELL I FIGURE THE KEY IS READING HIS MEDICAL RECORDS. OR CATCHING HIM DRESSING OR SHOWERING. HE RUNS A TIGHT SHIP. I WILL HAVE TO USE ALL MY CAT ABILITIES TO GET INTO POSITION TO SEE FOR MYSELF IF HE ONLY HAS ONE BALL. “IS THIS IMPORTANT FOR YOUR MISSION LUCY? THE INFORMATION THAT HITLER HAS ONLY ONE BALL.?” I`M SURE IT IS. THE CIA WOULD GAIN SO MUCH STATURE BECAUSE OF ME. WHAT I HAD DISCOVERED. MAYBE THAT IS WHAT STARTED THE WAR <HITLER ONLY HAVING ONE BALL> MAYBE THERE ARE MORE ONE BALLED HITLERS WALKING AROUND AND WE DON`T EVEN KNOW WHO THEY ARE. SURELY WE SHOULD TRACK THESE PEOPLE AND MAKE SURE THEY ARE NOT HITLER JUNIOR. “THATS A GOOD CIA MISSION FOR YOU LUCY AFTER YOU GET DONE WITH THIS HITLER MISSION YOU CAN START YOUR NEXT ONE. ELIMINATION OF ALL HITLER COPYCATS.” Where have you been Lucy. I haven’t seen you in weeks.WELL I DON`T SEEM TO BE DOING NOTHING BUT HANGING AROUND HAVING FUN WITH LESBIAN CATS. OTHER THAN THAT IT IS A SECRET.

What was that Lucy? You were having fun with lesbian cats? OH DEZI??? I DIDN`T REALIZE YOU WERE AWAKE. Yes I am awake. Tell me more about your mission with lesbian cats. My curiosity has got the best of me. DESI YOU REALLY SHOULD NOT BE GETTING SO UPSET. BESIDES IT`S TIME FOR YOUR MEDICATION. HERE…TAKE THESE PILLS. IT WILL BE SO MUCH BETTER TO TALK WHEN YOU WAKE UP. GO TO SLEEP HONEY.

IT IS SO NICE TO BE BACK IN CIA HEADQUARTERS. “YES LUCY. WE ARE SO GLAD TO SEE YOU. I JUST THOUGHT YOU….AND WE….SHOULD HAVE A LITTLE DE-BRIEFING. LUCY HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT THIS HITLER WANT TO BE? YOU SEEM TO LIKE HIM. EVEN OUR COMPUTERS ARE CONCERNED. THEY DETECT LIKE I DO THAT YOU ARE VULNERABLE TO NAZI PROPAGANDA.” THAT`S RIDICULOUS. IS THIS JUST BECAUSE OF TOM? I ASSURE YOU TOM IS ONLY INTERESTED IN FACTS. THE FACTS OF HISTORY. HE DOESN`T LOVE HITLER. “BUT HE LIKES HIM?” ALL I KNOW ABOUT THAT IS THAT TOM IS AN ARTIST AND HITLER IS AN ARTIST. DO THEY LOVE EACH OTHER??? YOU HAVE TO ASK THEM. THE FARTHEST I WILL GO IS TO SAY THAT HE IS A GOOD PETTER. VERY HEAVY PETTER THAT HITLER.

“I`M SORRY WE DIDN`T GET OFF ON THE RIGHT FOOT TODAY LUCY. BUT IT IS IMPORTANT INFORMATION WE ARE TALKING ABOUT.. IF HITLER ONLY HAD ONE BALL; IT COULD BE A GAME CHANGER. BUT IS THIS EVEN HITLER? HOW COULD IT BE. I MEAN IT IS A FAR ENOUGH STRETCH TO THINK THAT THERE ARE WAREWOLVES. LET ALONE A HITLER WAREWOLF. BUT I NEED YOU TO FIND OUT IF HE ONLY HAS ONE BALL. THAT IS THE TOTALITY OF YOUR KNEW MISSION.” OKAY. FOR SURE. FINE. WHATEVER YOU SAY. EXACTLY.

DEZI HOW DO YOU FEEL? IS IT ALRIGHT IF I LICK YOU? “OF COURSE LUCY. I NEVER SAY NO TO A GOOD LICKING. YOU KNOW THAT.” I`LL BE CAREFUL AROUND YOUR BALLS…I MEAN BALL. ‘OH LUCY! ARE YOU JUST HERE TO PUNISH ME? YOU WANT MY DICK TO GET HARD EVEN THOUGH IT MAY BE PAINFUL!!!” MAY OR MAY NOT. THAT`S FIFTY FIFTY. GOOD ODDS. BESIDES…I`M HORNY DEZI. DO YOU WANT ME??? “SURE LUCY. BUT IF I ONLY BAT .500 YOU CAN`T GET UPSET.”

“WERE YOU HAVING SEX WITH THOSE LESBIAN CATS LUCY?” DON`T BE RIDICULOUS DEZI. DON`T TALK ABOUT SUCH THINGS. YOUR DICK IS GETTING SOFT. THE HARDER I SUCK THE SOFTER IT GETS. “I CAN`T HELP IT LUCY. IMAGINING YOU WITH ANOTHER GIRL CAT DOES SOMETHING TO ME.” WHAT DOES IT DO? “IT MAKES ME SOFT.” AMAZING. YOU`RE RIGHT. IT IS TOO SOON TO HAVE SEX DEZI.???

‘I CAN`T WAIT TO GET TOO SLEEP LUCY. SUCH A HARD DAY.” I`LL JOIN YOU IN A SECOND TOM. I HAVE TO GO SEE WHERE DEZI IS……DEZI. WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE? “I DON`T FEEL COMFORTABLE SLEEPING WITH YOU AFTER WHAT YOU DID WITH THOSE LESBIAN CATS.” DON`T BE RIDICULOUS DEZI. I DIDN`T DO ANYTHING THAT MY CIA MISSION DID NOT REQUIRE. AND YOU AGREED THAT I COULD JOIN THE CIA. “THEN SWEAR YOU`RE NOT A LESBIAN!” I AM NOT A LESBIAN. I ONLY LOVE YOU DEZI!. ARE YOU SLEEPING ON THE COUCH? “YES LUCY.”

THE CIA HAS GIVEN ME THIS CAMERA TOM SO THAT I HAVE A CHANCE TO RECORD HITLER WITH ONE BALL. “OR TWO RIGHT LUCY? YOU SHOULD`NT ASSUME.” THE CAMERA IS ACTIVATED BY MOVEMENT SO HOPEFULLY HITLER WILL GET NAKED IN HIS ROOM EVENTUALLY. “WHERE ARE YOU GOING TO PUT IT?” I HAVE NO IDEA. SOMEWHERE IN HIS ROOM. OR MAYBE BY THE SHOWER. I DON`T KNOW FOR SURE. “JUST DON`T GET CAUGHT LUCY. HITLER DOES NOT TAKE WELL TO SPIES.”

OUR SEX LIFE IS COMPLETELY LIMP. I HAVE YET TO SEE DEZI WITH A HARD DICK. I HAVE ZERO EFFECT ON HIM. THIS HAS NEVER HAPPENED. DEZI HAS ALWAYS HAD A HARD DICK WHENEVER I AM IN THE ROOM. OR EVEN THE SAME HOUSE. JUST MY SMELL OF SOUND HAS ALWAYS BEEN ENOUGH TO TURN HIM ON. THIS HAS ALL GIVEN ME A TERRIBLE STATE OF MIND. I AM NOT EVEN CONCERNED WITH MY CIA MISSION. I JUST WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH DEZI. ABOVE ALL ELSE.

“LUCY! YOU LOOK UPSET.” I AM UPSET TOM. THE CIA IS INSISTING I LEAVE FOR TRANSYLVANIA TOMORROW. AND DEZI HAS YET TO SHOW ME ANY AFFECTION. NOT A LICK, NOT A KISS. ONE THING I COULD ALWAYS COUNT ON WAS DEZI LICKING MY PUSSY AS SOON AS I ENTERED THE ROOM. IT WAS A SURE THING. WAS. “I WOULD`NT WORRY TOO MUCH LUCY. ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER. WHEN YOUR MISSION IS OVER IN TRANSYLVANIA YOU WILL BE A HERO OF THE CIA. THE WHOLE WORLD WILL EVENTUALLY KNOW OF YOU. THE FIRST TALKING CAT.” FAME SEEMS A LONG WAY OFF WHEN EVEN YOUR OWN HUSBAND DOES`NT CARE.

“ARE YOU READY TO GO THRU THE TRANSFORMER LUCY?” YES TOM. I AM SO GLAD YOU ARE COMING WITH ME. “I GOT ALL MY WORK DONE. I CAN DISTRACT HITLER IF YOU NEED ME TO. OR NOT.” HOPEFULLY THIS RIDICULOUS MISSION WILL BE OVER QUICKLY. “FOR SURE LUCY. I HAVE FAITH IN YOU. IF ANY CAT CAN FIND OUT IF HITLER HAS ONE BALL OR TWO, IT IS YOU.” THANKS FOR THE COMPLIMENT TOM. IT WAS A COMPLEMENT RIGHT? YOUR NOT MAKING FUN OF ME AGAIN ARE YOU? “NO LUCY. YOU CAN DO IT. REMEMBER YOUR TRAINING.” WHAT TRAINING???

WHAT DO YOU LIKE BEST ABOUT HITLER TOM? “LUCY! YOUR NOT SUPPOSED TO LIKE ANYTHING ABOUT HITLER.” NO ONE IS ALL BAD. SURELY SOMETHING ABOUT HIM IS GOOD. “WHAT DO YOU LIKE ABOUT HITLER LUCY?” I GUESS I LIKE THAT HE IS A HARD PETTER. THE HARDEST I KNOW. SO WHAT ABOUT YOU TOM WHAT DO YOU LIKE? “I GUESS I LIKE HIS ART. IF HE HAD ANYTHING TO DO WITH DESIGNING ALL THE MANY NAZI FLAGS. REALLY COOL.

THAT WAS A COOL TRIP TOM. DID YOU LIKE IT? “FOR THE MOST PART. BUT I DID GET A WHIF OF SOMETHING.” OH YA. I FARTED. “THANKS LUCY.’ REMIND ME TO CUT BACK ON YOUR <WET> CAT FOOD.” THAT IS NOT PLAYING FAIR TOM. I NEED MY WET CAT FOOD. OTHERWISE I BECOME BLOATED. AND IT CAUSES PROBLEMS WITH DEZI. AND I ALREADY HAVE ENOUGH PROBLEMS WITH DEZI. “THAT`S TRUE LUCY.”

“IT IS SO GREAT TO SEE YOU LUCY.” THANK YOU MEIN FUHRER. IT IS GREAT TO SEE YOU TOO. “AND HOW IS THE OTHER CAT…DEZI I BELIEVE?” DEZI IS RECOVERING NICELY. HE LOST HIS TAIL AND ONE OF HIS ….. “HIS WHAT LUCY? ONE OF HIS BALLS MEIN FUHRER. ‘I SEE. THAT MUST OF BEEN VERY PAINFUL” REALLY MEIN FUHRER? YOU THINK? “I KNOW LUCY. IT IS EVERY MALES WEAKNESS IF YOU ARE EVER IN A TIGHT PLACE BECAUSE OF A MALE JUST KICK HIM IN THE BALLS.” IS THAT BALLS PLURAL OR JUST BALL?

“WHITEY WILL BE SO GLAD TO SEE YOU. SHE REALLY HAS BEEN DEPRESSED LATELY SINCE YOU LEFT. HOPEFULLY YOU WILL CHEAR HER UP LUCY.” WHERE IS SHE? “SHE IS IN THE DUNGEON IF I HAD TO BET.” WHITEY. HOW ARE YOU? DID YOU KNOW I WAS COMING TODAY? I had no idea. This is great news. It has been quite boring lately. I am sure you will liven up the place. WHERE IS PANTHER? She went home. We don’t hang out much. I hope your Horney Lucy. I haven’t had sex since the night panzer died. THAT MUST BE A RECORD FOR YOU. I’m sure it is. And you showed up just in time to lick my pussy when it needed it most. What luck!!!

Today is the birthday of my only child. I DIDN`T KNOW YOU WERE A MOTHER WHITEY. WHERE IS YOUR CHILD? She is dead. Hitler killed her. He might as well have killed her. More accurate to say he had her killed. BUT WHY WHITEY? WHY DID HITLER HAVE HER KILLED? Because she was slow or what some would call retarded. And hitler has a policy of not wasting food on the infirm. So one day when she was with the doctor he told me she suddenly died. But I know he killed her. HOW DO YOU KNOW FOR SURE WHITEY? I know. A mother knows. WHERE IS THE FATHER. Ha. I only saw him during the actual sex. After that he was gone. WOW. A LOT OF BOY CATS ARE LIKE THAT. PURE TRASH.

NOW I UNDERSTAND YOU ATTITUDE TOWARDS THE FUHRER WHITEY. WHY DID YOU WAIT SO LONG TO TELL ME? Today is her birthday. I can’t help but think of her. Otherwise I try my hardest to forget. If I am going to remain hitlers cat I can’t be thinking about how he killed my baby. It just wouldn’t make for a good cat/human relationship. THAT MUST TAKE SOME SERIOUS CONTROL BY YOU. I CAN IMAGINE YOU DON`T WANT TO END UP DEAD LIKE HIS DOG. His dog? YES. BLONDIE. EVERYONE KNOWS <IT IS PUBLIC KNOWLEDGE> THAT HE HAD HER TAKE POISON. Your kidding? When was this? AT THE END OF WORLD WAR 2. HE MADE HER TAKE POISON TO BE SURE THAT THE POISON WORKED. I MEAN…HOW STUPID. HOW CRUEL. AND HE SUPPOSEDLY LOVED HER. I GUESS HE LOVED HIS WIFE TOO AND HE MADE HER TAKE POISON. I DON`T THINK IT IS NECESSARILY A GOOD THING TO BE LOVED BY HITLER. So hiltler made his dog and wife take poison? I wonder what he is going to do to me?

“HAVE YOU SEEN HITLER`S DOGS LUCY?” NO TOM. I DIDN`T KNOW HE HAD ANY. WHERE ARE THEY? “OUT BACK. HE HAS TWO GERMAN SHEPHERDS.” WHY HAVEN`T WE SEEN THEM? “HE DOESN`T LET THEM IN THE HOUSE. I HEARD THEM BARK OR I PROBABLY WOULD`NT KNOW ABOUT THEM.” WHAT ARE THEIR NAMES? “THERE HE IS ASK HIM.” MEIN FURHER. <YES LUCY> WHAT ARE YOUR DOGS NAMES? <OH I`M SORRY LUCY. I SHOULD HAVE INTRODUCED YOU. THEY ARE OUT BACK…..LUCY THIS IS BLONDIE AND THIS IS NAZI.> TWO GERMAN SHEPHERDS. WOW. SO MUCH GERMAN. ARE THEY FRIENDLY? <NOT REALLY. THEY ATE WHITEYS KITTEN>

REMIND ME NOT TO GO SLEEP WALKING OUTSIDE TOM. I DON`T WANT TO BE EATEN BY TWO GERMAN SHEPHERDS. OR END UP LIKE DEZI. WITH BODY PARTS MISSING. “WELL LUCKILY HE DOESN`T LET THEM IN THE HOUSE. SO UNLESS YOU GO WANDERING OUTSIDE YOU SHOULD NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. DID YOU INSTALL THAT CAMERA YOU WERE GOING TO?” YES. I GOT IT IN HIS BEDROOM. HOPEFULLY HE WON`T SEE IT. “YA UNLESS YOU WANT TO END UP LIKE BLONDIE. THE FIRST BLONDIE THAT IS.

SO IS THAT WHY YOU ARE A LESBIAN WHITEY? BECAUSE OF WHAT YOUR BABY DADDY DID TO YOU? I’ve never had one of my lesbian friends leave me short like that. So rude. So selfish. At least they care if I enjoyed the sex. Unlike that Bogart who was one and done. Only concerned about himself. AND THEN THE STORY ONLY GOT WORSE WHEN HITLER HAD YOUR BABY KILLED. SO SAD. I AM SO SORRY WHITEY. Me too.

TOM DO YOU KNOW THAT HITLER KILLED WHITEYS BABY BECAUSE SHE WAS RETARDED! “LUCY NOT SO LOUD. HE WILL HEAR YOU. AND WE DON`T KNOW IF THESE ROOMS ARE BUGGED. HE COULD BE LISTENING TO EVERYTHING YOU SAY.’ I GUESS YOU ARE RIGHT. I AM NOT PRACTICING GOOD CIA ETIQUETTE. “THERE YOU GO AGAIN LUCY. YOU CAN`T USE THAT WORD WHILE YOU ARE HERE!” WHAT? CIA? “LUCY!!!!!”

MEIN FUHRER WHY ARE YOU SO UPSET? “MY NUMBER ONE GENERAL; THE GENERAL IN CHARGE OF MY SUMMER OFFENSIVE AGAINST THE EVIL VAMPIRE JEWS HAS DIED IN A PLANE CRASH.” THAT IS BAD NEWS. WHAT ARE YOU GONNA TO DO? WHO IS YOUR NUMBER 2 GENERAL? “I BARELY TRUSTED NUMBER ONE. NO WAY DO I TRUST ANY OF MY OTHER GENERALS. TOM.” YES MEIN FUHRER. “I NEED YOU TO TAKE OVER THIS MISSION.” BUT MEIN FUHRER…I WOULD`NT KNOW WHERE TO START. I HAVE NO EXPERIENCE WITH SUCH A THING. SUCH RESPONSIBILITY. “BUT YOU HAVE MILITARY EXPERIENCE. YOU WERE IN THE SPECIAL FORCES CORRECT?” WELL YES MEIN FURHER. BUT I WAS ONLY A LOWLY SERGEANT. I AM NOT QUALIFIED. “HELL TOM. I WAS ONLY A LOWLY CORPORAL AND I ALMOST DEFEATED THE WHOLE WORLD.” BUT…WHAT….I….

“DON`T WORRY TOM. MOST OF THE MISSION IS PLANNED ALREADY. WE ARE GOING TO LURE THE EVIL VAMPIRE JEWS INTO A TRAP. WE ARE PLANNING TO HAVE THE FIRST <YOUTH OF TRANSYLVANIA SUMMER CAMP>.” LIKE THE HITLER YOUTH? “EXACTLY. THE JEWS WILL NOT BE ABLE TO RESIST ATTACKING ALL THESE POOR CHILDREN. IT IS WHAT THEY LIVE FOR…THE BASTARDS.” SO YOUR USING THE CHILDREN AS PAWNS? “THERE IS NO MORE NOBLE A CAUSE THAN THE CHILDREN OF TRANSYLVANIA. THE JEWS PREY ON THEM LIKE THE BLOOD SUCKERS THEY ARE. THEY CAN`T HELP THEMSELVES. THEIR GREATEST ORGASM IS BITING THE NECK OF AN INNOCENT CHILD AND FILLING IT UP WITH ALL THEIR JEW PROPAGANDA.”

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