LUCY – Page 2 – Tom The Baptist

“DID YOU AND THE FUHRER HAVE A NICE TIME AT THE EAGLE`S NEST LUCY?” ! FOR THE MOST PART. “MOST PART? DID YOU BRING UP THE WAR AGAIN?” I CAN`T HELP IT TOM. THIS MAY BE THE WORLDS ONLY OPPORTUNITY TO GET ANSWERS. “ANSWERS? YOU`RE GOING TO GET ANSWERS ALRIGHT. LIKE : “WHAT DOES HITLER DO FOR FUN? HE WATCHES EXECUTION VIDEOS. EVERYONE KNOWS THAT. ALL THOSE TRAITORS WHO TRIED TO BLOW HIM UP….HE HAD THEM ALL EXECUTED AND THEN WATCHED THE RECORDINGS!” YUK!!!

GUESS WHAT TOM. “WHAT LUCY?” WHITEY SAYS THAT WHEN IT IS COLD…SHE SLEEPS WITH THE FUHRER. IN THE SAME BED. “AND???” AND I WANTED TO ASK YOU IF IT WAS OK IF I SLEPT WITH HER…I MEAN HIM….I MEAN THEM? WHAT ABOUT ME LUCY. WHO IS GONNA SLEEP WITH ME IF YOU ARE SLEEPING WITH THE FUHRER?” TOM IT IS NOTHING LIKE THAT. I AM SURE THE CIA WILL LOVE TO GET A BIRDS EYE VIEW OF HIS SLEEPING HABITS. IT IS ALL MISSION. “ALL LUCY??? WHAT ABOUT WHITEY?” WELL…YOU GOT ME THERE.

I KNOCKED ON THE FUHRER DOOR AT THE APPROPRIATE TIME. THE FUHRER ANSWERED AND HE WAS COMPLETELY NAKED. I WAS SO SHOCKED THAT I FORGOT TO LOOK AND SEE IF HE HAD 2 BALLS. THAT`S PART OF MY MISSION. <DOES ADOLF HITLER HAVE 2 BALLS OR 1?> APPARENTLY IT IS A VERY CONTROVERSIAL SUBJECT. BUT I WAS NO CLOSER TO FINDING OUT SINCE THE FUHRER HAD MADE HIS WAY TO THE SHOWER. DAMN. I MUST NOT FORGET TO LOOK AT HITLERS BALLS THE FIRST CHANCE I GET. THIS IS BASIC STUFF. I SHOULD ALREADY KNOW THE ANSER. DAMN.

Oh hi Lucy. I see you found adolf“s bedroom. YES. WHERE DO YOU SLEEP? In the bed of course. OMG. SO CAN I ASK YOU A QUESTION? DOES ADOLF HAVE 2 BALLS OR 1? Lucy what a ridiculous question. Why? THE WHOLD WORLD WANTS TO KNOW!!! Oh really. And you are going to tell them? OF COURSE NOT WHITEY. IT`S MORE A “CURIOSITY KILLED THE CAT” TYPE OF THINGS. Actually I am not sure. I don’t have much interest in mens balls. If you wanted to know about a girl cat`s pussy? That I am much more likely to know. Sorry!!!

SLEEPING WITH HITLER…SOUNDS LIKE THE NAME OF THE BOOK I SHOULD WRITE ABOUT THIS EXPERIENCE…IS NOT THE BEST EXPERIENCE I CAN SAY THAT. RUMORS OF HIS BAD BREATH ARE DEFINITELY TRUE. I THINK THE WHERE WOLF THING MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO DO ABOUT IT. HE NEVER STOPS TOSSING AND TURNING. SERIOUS DREAMS IT SEEMS. I DIDN`T GET A LICK OF SLEEP. AND OF COURSE WHITEY WOULD`NT LEAVE MY PUSSY ALONE. I WISH DEZI WAS LIKE THAT. SPEAKING OF DEZI…I WISH I COULD CALL HIM. BUT HOW WOULD HE PICK UP THE PHONE?

TOM I CAN`T BELIEVE I SLEPT WITH HITLER. “BELIEVE IT LUCY. NOW YOU ARE A CERTIFIED NAZI.” NAZI??? NO WAY. I`M NOT INTO ALL THAT. I JUST WONDER HOW MANY CATS HAVE DIED IN HIS EXPERIMENTS?. “WELL IF YOU DON`T WANT TO BE THE NEXT ONE YOU BETTER WATCH WHAT YOU TALK ABOUT AROUND HIM. THE WAR IS DEFINITELY OFF LIMITS. JUST STICK WITH SMALL TALK. LIKE THE WEATHER. OR HOW MUCH YOU APPRECIATE CLEAN CAT BOXES. THE LESS YOU SAY THE BETTER CONSIDERING YOUR JOB.” AND I BLEW MY CHANCE TO FIND THE ANSWER TO ONE OF MY MISSIONS MOST IMPORTANT QUESTIONS. “WHAT QUESTION IS THAT LUCY?” DOES HITLER HAVE 2 BALLS OR 1? “REALLY? THE CIA WANTS TO KNOW THAT?” YES. IT WAS ONE OF THE FIRST BULLET POINT IN MY MISSIONS INSTRUCTIONS. AND WHEN HE OPENED THE DOOR NAKED I WAS SO SHOCKED I LOOKED AWAY. AND BY THE TIME I REMEMBERED HE WAS GONE INTO THE SHOWER. “YOU REALLY DROPPED THE BALL LUCY.!!! BY THE WAY, NO HELP FROM ME ON THAT ONE.” THANKS TOM. JUST WHEN I NEEDED YOU MOST.

“SO TOM…HOW LONG ARE YOU AND LUCY GOING TO STAY. I REALLY ENJOY HAVING LUCY AROUND. SHE IS SO MUCH MORE PLEASANT TO SLEEP WITH THAN WHITEY. PLEASE DON“T MENTION THAT TO HER LUCY. SHE IS VERY SENSITIVE.” OH DON`T WORRY MEIN FUHRER. I`LL KEEP YOUR SECRET. “ DO YOU HAVE TO TAKE LUCY HOME SO SOON TOM? LUCY AND WHITEY ARE GETTING ALONG SO WELL. THERE IS SO MUCH OF THE CASTLE THAT LUCY HASN`T EVEN SEEN.” OH. WHAT DO YOU THINK LUCY? WOULD YOU LIKE TO SPEND MORE TIME WITH WHITEY? SURE. THANKS MEIN FUHRER. <MISSION ACCOMPLISHED…EXTENDED>

Lucy? WHAT WHITEY? WHY ARE YOU SO EXCITED? Lucy, Friday night is whitey night in the castle. REALLY? WHAT IS THAT? Well adolf said I could do anything I wanted for one whole night. SO WHAT DID YOU TELL HIM? IS IT BECAUSE I AM HERE? No Lucy. I get to invite all my cat friends to the castle for one big party. A SEX PARTY? Well that is one of the benefits now that you mention it. We do it once a year. We offer free food. The mice of the castle. This is a big place. Too big a job for me. So adolf agreed I could have a party. As long as I let him give a speech to start the party. He says he needs the practice. And since you are here we have an interpreter to make it happen. WELL I CAN`T WAIT. I AM SO EXCITED. Ya Lucy. You will meet a lot of cats. Girl cats. All of them beautiful! REALLY???!!! You get to translate his speech into cat and give it to all our cat guests. OH MY GOD!!! WHAT AN HONOR! <WHAT PRESSURE>!!!

I WAS NEVER SO APPREHENSIVE ABOUT A NIGHT. I COULD`NT SLEEP. I KEPT THINKING ABOUT WHAT WHITEY HAD SAID. HOW ALL THE GIRL CATS COMING TO THE PARTY WERE HOT. THAT IT WOULD BE IMPOSSIBLE TO RESIST. I WAS CONSTANTLY WET. WASTING MY SLEEP TIME RUBBING MYSELF. I WISH I COULD CALL DEZI. HE WOULD CENTER ME.

FINALLY FRIDAY IS HERE. ARE`NT YOU EXCITED TOM? “OH YES LUCY.. I`M REALLY GLAD THAT I GET TO HAVE A LITTLE FUN TONIGHT SINCE I AM LEAVING MONDAY.” MONDAY.? YES I HAVE A LOT OF BUSINESS TO TAKE CAR OF AT HOME LUCY. SORRY SUCH SHORT NOTICE. BUT YOU KNOW HOW THE FUHRER GETS TALKING. HE PRESSED ME FOR AN ANSWER OF WHEN I WAS LEAVING. YOU WOULD’NT BELIEVE HOW HAPPY HE WAS THAT YOU WERE STAYING.” PLEASE TELL DEZI THAT I MISS HIM. AND I LOVE HIM. AND THAT I THINK HE IS HOT. “HOW AM I GOING TO DO THAT LUCY? I DON`T SPEAK CAT.” OH. OF COURSE. SORRY….MY BAD.

AT ABOUT 5 MINUTES TO 8 ALL OF THE CATS HAD ARRIVED AT THE LARGE DINING HALL. WELL OVER 100. ALL OF THEM WERE GIVEN EAR PLUGS SO THAT THEY COULD HEAR ME SPEAKING IN CAT WHILE HILTER WAS SPEAKING IN GERMAN. BEFORE LONG THE EAR PLUGS WERE FLYING EVERY WHICH WAY. CATS WILL BE CATS. THERE WERE HEARING AIDS FLYING EVERYWHERE. COMPLETE MAYHEN. IT ALL STOPPED WHEN HITLER SHOWED UP. ALL THE CATS CAME TO ATTENTION AND PUT ON THEIR HEARING AID AS INSTRUCTED.

“I`M SO GLAD THAT YOU CATS INVITED ME TO SPEAK TO YOU. THANKS TO TOM`S CAT…LUCY…CATS AND HUMANS CAN FINALLY UNDERSTAND EACH OTHER. <ALL THE CATS STOOD ON THEIR HIND LEGS AND APPLAUDED ME!!! <I WAS SO EMBARRASSED> NOT ONLY DO I RESPECT YOU CATS…I HAVE LEARNED A LOT FROM YOU. NOT AS MUCH AS WHAT I LEARNED FROM WOLVES. MAYBE A DISTANT SECOND. BUT WHAT BRINGS US TOGETHER HERE TONIGHT IS A COMMON PROBLEM…THE JEW. I CONFRONT THE EVIL HUMAN JEW. YOU FACE THE RODENT JEW. OF COURSE RODENTS ARE JEWS. TRUST ME NO ONE LIKES THEM ABSOLUTELY NO ONE. HUMANS DO EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO EXTERMINATE THE RODENT. JUST LIKE I DID EVERYTHING POSSIBLE TO KILL AS MANY JEWS AS I COULD. I SIMPLY ATTACKED THE JEWISH PROBLEM LIKE YOU CATS ATTACK THE RODENT AND RAT PROBLEM. BECAUSE IF YOU KNOW RODENTS AND RATS .YOU KNOW JEWS. NO DIFFERENCE. <ONCE AGAIN THE CATS STOOD IN APPLAUSE>… IF NOT FOR WEAKNESS IN MY RANKS I WOULD HAVE BEEN SUCCESSFUL IN MY MISSION. HERE IN TRANSYLVANIA WE ARE EXPERIENCING THE FINAL STAGE OF THEIR WARFARE AGAINST HUMANITY. HERE THE JEWS BECOME VAMPIRES. THEY LIVE TO SUCK THE BLOOD OF YOUR CHILDREN TO TURN YOUR CHILDREN INTO VAMPIRES. I CALL ON ALL CATS AND WHERE WOLVES, AND ALL OTHER CREATURES OF VALOR, TO DEFEND MAN KIND AND ANIMAL KIND AGAINST THE EVIL BLOOD SUCKING VAMPIRE JEWS, MISE AND RATS. AMEN.”

I WAS VERY NERVOUS TRANSLATING FROM HITLER TO ALL THOSE CATS. OVER 100. I DIDN`T NOTICE ANY BOY CATS. I HAD THE THOUGHT THAT ALL THE GIRL CATS WERE LESBIAN GIRL CATS. A CERTAIN KIND OF GLOW!!! THEY ALL SEEMED TO UNDERSTAND HITLER`S SPEACH. I DON`T REMEMBER MESSING UP.. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED. MY NEXT MISSION WAS TO RESIST ALL THESE GIRL CATS WHO KEPT HITTING ON ME. EVERYONE IS SO HORNY. MY RESISTANCE WAS BEGINNING TO WEAKEN AT ONE POINT. THIS PARTICULAR BEAUTIFUL MULTI COLORED CAT SET HER EYES ON ME. FOR THE REST OF THE NIGHT IT WAS LIKE SHE WAS THE ONLY CAT THERE. BESIDES ME!!!

HER NAME WAS PANZER. AND I WAS IN LOVE. OF COURSE THE NIGHT WAS ALL ABOUT CATCHING MICE. AND RATS. I TEAMED UP WITH PANZER. I THINK WE HAVE THE BEST TEAM, I SAID TO PANZER! Of course Lucy. Is there any doubt. Lets go where our noses lead us. I can smell rodent piss a mile away. DON`T YOU MEAN KILOMETER? Follow me Lucy. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE FIRST PLACE PRIZE THAT HITLER IS GIVING TO THE CATS WHO KILL THE MOST RODENTS. 5 POINTS FOR A RAT. Lucy let’s not waste any time. I won the contest last year with whitey as my team mate. OH NO. IS SHE GOING TO BE MAD AT ME FOR STEELING HER` PARTNER? Don’t worry Lucy. I noticed she already teamed up with that cat over there. IS`NT SHE A KITTEN. IS THAT LEGAL IN TRANSYLVANIA?? Lucy whitey is the law for cats in Transylvania. At least lesbian cats. I don’t think she cares about anyone else.

And the prize for killing the most rodents is a cat box for transporting cats. Seats 2. Made of the skin of dead jews. OMG. HOW CAN YOU GET IN ONE OF THOSE??? I’ve never been. Last year the prize was a free weekend of your choice at the furher`s castle. That’s when whitey and I started going steady. WHAT HAPPENED? Since whitey is the furher`s cat she has her choice of cats and since she can’t make up her mind, she has a real problem. Come to find out whitey has probably had sex with every girl cat here tonight!

Follow me Lucy. I know where we will find the most mice. WHERE IS THAT PANZER? Where the food is of course. AS SOON AS WE MADE IT INTO THE KITCHEN I COULD SMELL A RAT. AND MICE. WE DECIDED TO WALK TOWARDS THE CENTER OF EACH ROOM FROR OPPOSITE CORNERS. MAKING SURE TO CHECK EACH CREVIS FOR MICE. WE STARTED IN THE KITCHEN. BUT THEY WERE COOKING THE FUHRER SOME FOOD AND THEY DON`T LIKE CATS IN THERE. SO WE TRIED TO STAY HIDDEN AS MUCH AS POSSIBLE. IT WAS NOT LONG UNTIL WE CORNERED A MOUSE IN THE STORAGE ROOM NEXT TO THE KITCHEN. I LET PANZER KILL IT. WE ENDED UP WITH 1 SCORE IN THE FIRST HOUR. WE WERE CONFIDENT. BUT AFTER 6 HOURS WE ONLY HAD 1 MOUSE. OF COURSE THERE WERE A HUNDRED OR MORE OTHER CATS ROAMING AROUND.

I know where to go Lucy. OH NO PANZER. NOT THE DUNGEON. WE FOUND AN EMPTY ROOM WITH A VERY SMALL HOLE IN THE WALL. Let me go in first Lucy. I think I can squeeze thru. AFTER MUCH STRUGGLE PANZER WAS IN. RIGHT AWAY I HEARD HER SCREEM. Lucy!!! (SHE YELLED IN CAT). AFTER STRUGGLING TO GET THRU THE HOLE I FOUND PANZER IN A LIFE AND DEATH STRUGGLE WITH 3 RATS. RIGHT AWAY I TURNED THE TIDE. FOUGHT ALL 3 RATS BY MYSELF KILLING THEM ONE BY ONE. ARE YOU OK PANZER? No Lucy. They got me good. SHE WAS BLEEDING FROM THE NECK. IT TOOK US A LONG TIME TO MAKE IT BACK TO HELP. IT TOOK FOREVER TO GET HER THROUGH THAT TIGHT WHOLE. MEIN FUHRER CAN YOU HELP ME WITH PANZER? “WHAT HAPPENED LUCY?” WE WERE AMBUSHED BY 3 RATS. WE QUICKLY TOOK PANZER TO HITLERS` DOCTOR. HE RUSHED HER INTO THE OPERATING ROOM. WE WAITED OUTSIDE.

“I HEAR YOU AND PANZER WON THE COMPETITION LUCY!” REALLY MEIN FURHER? YES. WITH YOUR 3 RATS AND 1 MOUSE YOU SCORED 16 POINTS. (MICE 1 POINT, RATS 5 POINTS.) THE SECOND PLACE CATS HAD 3 MICE AND 2 RATS (A SCORE OF 13 POINTS).” I CAN`T BELIEVE WE WON. SUDDENLY THE DOCTOR APPEARED WITH THE BAD NEWS: I`M AFRAID SHE DIDN`T MAKE IT. SHE LOST TOO MUCH BLOOD. THE NEWS HIT ME LIKE A BRICK. I WASN`T READY TO LOSE HER. HELL I HAD JUST MET HER. AND INSTANTLY FELL IN LOVE. OH PANZER….!

“THIS IS TERRIBLE NEWS LUCY. I AM SO UPSET. IT JUST GOES TO SHOW YOU HOW THE RAT JEWS DON`T PLAY FAIR. ATTACKING PANZER WITH A 3 – 1 ADVANTAGE. JUST LIKE HUMAN JEWS. I REMEMBER HOW THEY FOUGHT OUR BRAVE NAZI TROOPS IN POLAND. APPEARING FROM UNIMAGINABLE POSITIONS TO KILL OUR GLORIOUS SOLDIERS. NOT FIGHTING FAIR.” I JUST WISH I COULD HAVE GOT IN THERE SOON ENOUGH TO SAVE HER. I AM SO UPSET. SUDDENLY HITLER PULLED HIS MEDAL OFF HIS CHEST. HE WORE HIS UNIFORM FOR THE SPEECH. “HERE LUCY. I WANT YOU TO HAVE THIS.” OH NO I CAN`T MEIN FUHRER. I KNOW HOW IMPORTANT THAT METAL IS TO YOU. “NO LUCY. I INSIST.” OMG!!!

TOM DID YOU SEE THAT HITLER GAVE ME HIS ONLY IRON CROSS. “OH NO LUCY. HE HAS ANOTHER 1. BUT THE ONE YOU HAVE IS PROBABLY WORTH MILLIONS.” I COULD NEVER SELL THIS TOM. I WANT TO BE ABLE TO HOLD IT FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE. “SO YOU`RE BECOMING A NAZI LUCY?” NO TOM. OF COURSE NOT. BUT I DON`T THINK I HAVE EVER HAD SUCH A DAY IN ALL MY LIFE. AND I WANT TO HOLD IT TO REMEMBER IT DID HAPPEN. “SO YOU LIKE THE FUHRER?” TOM I KNOW HISTORY. I KNOW OF EVERY SINGLE ATROCITY THE NAZIS COMMITTED. THATS A LOT OF HATE FOR ANY LIKE TO OVERCOME.

I CAN`T BELIEVE YOU ARE LEAVING TOM. ‘BELIEVE IT LUCY. I CAN`T STAY FOREVER LIKE YOU. GOTTA PAY THE BILLS. HAVE YOU CONTACTED THE CIA YET?” I TRANSMIT TO THEM EVERY DAY AS SOON AS IT GETS DARK. I JUST GO OUTSIDE AND FIND A SAFE PLACE WHERE MY TRANSMITTER HAS GOOD LINE OF SIGHT. SO THEY KNOW EVERYTHING THAT IS GOING ON. I RECORDED THIS TAPE FOR YOU TO GIVE TO DEZI. HE WILL NEED HELP PLAYING IT. IT`S ALL IN CAT SO YOU WON`T UNDERSTAND IF YOU LISTEN. BUT DEZI WILL.

TOM IS GONE. I CAN`T REMEMBER BEING WITHOUT HIM. BUT I HAVE TO BE STRONG. THIS IS HITLER. NOT SOME 2ND STRINGER. I WISH I KNEW MORE WHAT THE CIA WANTS IN THIS INVESTIGATION. THEY TOLD ME JUST TO BE MYSELF. SPEAKING OF BEING MYSELF..I MISS DEZI. I WONDER IF TOM PLAYED MY TAPE FOR HIM? I TOLD HIM HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM. HE`S ALL I THINK ABOUT WHEN I`M NOT WITH ONE OF THE PRETTY GIRL CATS AROUND HERE. HONEST.

“Lucy.” YES WHITEY. “Have you met panther yet?” NO. I SAW HER TALKING TO PANZER. “She is panzers sister. Twin sister. OH YESS. NOW I SEE IT. YOU LOOK EXACTLY LIKE HER. most boy cats think I am better looking. Or so they say. I`M SO SORRY ABOUT YOUR SISTER. I was hoping she would team up with me for the competition. But she chose you…and now she’s dead. <TRUE, TRUE>

ARE YOU STAYING FOR DINNER PANTHER? Oh yes. I could eat 3 mice. I’m starving. <DINNER WITH THE FUHRER ONE NEVER KNOWS WHAT TO EXPECT. HE HAD TOLD ME HE WAS A WHERE WOLF. BUT I DIDN`T REALLY KNOW WHAT THAT MEANT. UNTIL DINNER THIS NIGHT. WITH WHITEY. WITH PANTHER. AND WITH ME. THE FUHRER TOOK ONE BITE OF HIS SOUP AND ALL HELL BROKE LOOSE. “WHAT THE HELL IS THIS. WHO THE HELL PUT MEAT IN MY SOUP??? EVERYONE KNOWS I DON`T EAT MEAT.” THE COOK WAS STANDING RIGHT IN FRONT OF HITLER. SUDDENLY HITLERS BODY EXPANDED TO AT LEAST TWICE ITS SIZE. ALL OF HIS CLOTHES WERE RIPPED. HE TROUNCED ON THE COOK.. LEAVING A SHATTERING OF WHAT STARTED OUT. HE CAREFULLY LOOKED AT EACH ONE OF US IN THE ROOM. AS IF TO DECIDE WHETHER OR NOT WE SHOULD DIE. WHEN HIS EYES MET MINE THEY TURNED FROM EVIL TO A GLIMPSE OF GOOD WILL. HE SPENT THE LONGEST LOOKING AT WHITEY. THEN HE RAN OUT OF THE ROOM. Oh my god Lucy. I think he wanted to kill you there for a second. ME. I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU HE WANTED TO KILL I THINK KILLING THE COOK TOOK A LOT OUT OF HIM. HE DIDN`T FEEL UP TO CHASING US CATS AROUND THE HOUSE. CAUSE I SURE AS HELL WAS READY TO RUN.

Well we might as well all eat. I hate to see this good cat food go to waste, FOR SURE WHITEY. LETS EAT. HITLER HAS THE BEST CAT FOOD IN THE WORLD. DEFINITELY NUMBER 1. “You think so Lucy.” Panther meowed. YES I`VE BEEN TO A FEW PLACES. THIS IS THE BEST CAT FOOD EVER. I guess you’re right. I just didn’t want to believe those rumors that the cat food was dead prisoners who died of torture. “How can you say that panther? What kind of host do you think I am. I only serve the best cat food.”

HOW IS HITLER GOING TO EAT WHITEY? HE KILLED HIS COOK. Not his first string. The main cook is on vacation. This guy was a fill in. Every cook I’ve ever seen here knew hitler was a vegetarian. He was the first one who did not know. He was also the most dark skinned cook I have ever seen cooking for the furher. I swear he looked black. REALLY? THE DARKEST EVER. YOU THINK THAT IS WHY HITLER KILLED HIM. IS HITLER A RACISTS.??? Of course Lucy. Hitler is the definition of racist.

GOOD MORNING MEIN FUHRER <11AM> “GOOD MORNING LUCY. I HOPE I WASN`T TOO RUDE YESTERDAY. IT IS JUST THAT I TRULY BELIEVE THAT COOK DID THAT PURPOSEFULLY. I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN THAT A NIGGER COULD NOT BE TRUSTED. EVEN IN THE YEAR 2025.” OH I KNEW HE WAS DARK SKINNED <FOR THIS NEIGHBORHOOD!> BUT I DID`NT THINK HE WAS BLACK PER SAY. “NO LUCY. HE WAS A NIGGER. A NIGGER WHO TRIED TO KILL ME BY THE WAY.” I THOUGHT OF HIM AS A DARK SKINNED ITALIAN. “AND WHAT IS A DARK SKINNED ITALIAN OTHER THAN A NIGGER?” OH I JUST THOUGHT THAT THE NAZIS WERE BETTER OFF FOCUSING ON ADDITION. RATHER THAT SUBTRACTION. “IT WAS A CLOSE CALL EITHER WAY. BUT I WASN`T IN THE MOOD FOR CLOSE CALLS. AT THAT MOMENT I DEMANDED PERFECTION. AND I GOT THE OPPOSITE. LATELY I AM FEELING MORE TENSE. IT IS BECAUSE OF THE COMING SUMMER CAMPAIGN AGAINST THE JEW VAMPIRES OF TRANSYLVANIA. I FEEL WE MUST BE SUCCESSFUL IMMEDIATELY IN OUR CAMPAIGN. I DON` SEEM TO DO AS WELL IN LONG TERM CONFLICTS.

HITLER IS A HEAVY PETTER. THAT MEANS HE PUTS A LOT OF PHYSICAL PRESSURE ON WHOEVER HE WAS PETTING. I TALKED TO WHITEY ABOUT IT. SHE NOTICED TOO. HE WAS THE HEAVIEST PETTER SHE KNEW TOO. VERY DISTINCT. NO ONE ELSE LIKE HIM AS FAR AS I KNEW. AN ACQUIRED TASTE SHALL WE SAY. IT MADE ME A LITTLE UNCOMFORTABLE. TENSE. BUT WHAT CAN YOU DO? SO I WASN`T EXCITED ABOUT JUMPING IN HIS LAP TO BE PETTED. BUT HOW ELSE WOULD I GET GOOD CONVERSATION WITH HIM. IT WAS MY JOB. BEING A CIA AGENT SOMETIMES IS NO FUN.

LAST NIGHT WAS A FIRST. I WAS IN HITLERS BED. WHITEY INSISTED. SHE IS VERY PERSUASIVE. BUT I FOUND MYSELF PURRING FOR THE FIRST TIME SLEEPING NEXT TO HIM. PURRING IS THE ULTIMATE EXPRESSION OF CONTENTMENT. WHAT DOES THIS MEAN? MY INITIAL FEELINGS OF FEAR ABOUT BEING NEAR HIM HAVE VANISHED. I GUESS I SHOULD NOT PUT TOO MUCH INTO IT.

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